Questions for an Interview

Jenny Chalek Answers Jessica Lynn Mathis' Questions (asked for an article about comedy for the JCC newspaper)

(circa late 2003)

1. What is your full name? Jennifer Paige Chalek
(my dad says they got my middle name from the book)

2. How long have you been doing comedy? Some would say, "She's been doing comedy?" But I guess the official answer is almost 2 years now on stage. Almost my entire speaking life offstage, if being irritating in order to amuse myself and possibly others counts as comedy.

3. How did you get into comedy? I wanted to for years. But I never got up the nerve to try open mike night at Comedy Caravan until one magical moment, watching the People's Choice Awards, when a combination of Jill Hennessy, Ellen Degeneres, and delusional thinking finally stepped in to give me the fantasy boost I needed. You probably don't want me to elaborate.

4. What is your "claim to fame" (where have you performed, etc)?
I have performed in such venues as Comedy Caravan, Wicks Pizza, The Rudyard Kipling, The Funnybone in Evansville, and The Getaway in Vine Grove. I have also done comedy there.

5. Why should people come out to Wicks on Mondays? Open mike comedy nights are ALWAYS fun, because you never know what will happen. You might get really good comedy from people who just haven't been discovered yet, or you might get comedy so BAD that it's funny. But it's ALWAYS fun to watch if you're in the mood for live entertainment. If you add to that equation some of the best pizza and beer in town, along with NO COVER CHARGE, how can you go wrong?

6. What is your favorite thing about doing comedy? All the gorgeous chicks telling me how brilliant and funny I am after the show.

7. How big is your penis? Penis? Hmmm. I wasn't issued one of those. However, I do get a lot of emails asking me if I would like a really big penis. I haven't really had time to look into the specifics.

8. How do you feel about question number 7? Well, I generally don't work with props, so I guess I'm kinda neutral about it.

9. If your answer to number seven is above 6 inches, would you care for a private interview? hehehehehehehehehehehehehe
Well, reviewing my email, the biggest one I can find in there is about 25 pixels long on my monitor. But it might look different on your monitor; I could forward it to you if you want. Why are you looking at me like that?

10. What is the worst part of doing comedy? For me, the worst part of comedy is the unpredictability of audience reaction to what you are sure is the EXACT same material, which can make you go a little insane after a while. It feels a little bit like you are doing that TV picture correction dance back from the days of old before there was cable -- you know, when you would try various kinds of body English while holding onto one or the other "rabbit ear" antennae to get a good picture on the set. You would suddenly, inexplicably, find an exact good position that would get a PERFECTLY good signal, and everyone would yell out, "THAT'S IT! DON'T MOVE!" But it might be a really awkward position and you'd slip and fall on your behind, or else you'd sneeze and lose it, then you'd never find that EXACT position again while holding that exact part of the antenna. So after a while, your friends would just get all pissed off at you because they think you're not even trying, and at that point, you're just like, "Fuck it! They can watch snow. I don't care." And after that, no one even cares anymore if the actors on the small screen figure out that Lassie is trying to tell them that Timmy fell down a well while running from two biotches from the 'hood who were trying to cut him 'cause he stole their stash.

11. Where do you get your material? It comes to me directly from a device that was implanted in my brain by a woman named Valporia from the planet Caldron in the Clastondula Nebula, Section 7B, Third Red Brick House from the Corner. I merely transcribe what she transmits, then translate it to English to the best of my ability (the Caldronian language has such a vastly different syntax from English and uses so many context-bound metaphors that sometimes it loses quite a bit in translation). Then I do my best to relate her unique anecdotes and witticisms on stage. It's not always easy. What people don't realize is that I started using the Rubik's cube as sort of an implant "cheat sheet" -- it helps me interface with the device in case I get lost in the middle of the set so Valporia can give me some ideas.

12. Has there ever been a moment so horrible on stage, quitting comedy crossed your mind? I would have to say it was the time I wore my Warrior Princess outfit on stage at Comedy Caravan. I never realized I could wield such power over so many so easily. It was as if I had found the Universe's giant MUTE button. They didn't laugh. They didn't heckle. They didn't move. It was as if I were Medusa, and looking upon me with my fake leather and my REAL sword had turned them to stone. Julie, the booking agent for Comedy Caravan tried to put a positive spin on this "learning experience" for me afterwards by saying there are public speakers and teachers who would KILL to command that type of rapt attention. But that really wasn't the effect I was going for. Oh well.